Because of data abstraction, we were able to go forth to war
are you one of those people who have forgotten by mid-June what “winter” is and that it is coming back someday? sucks, doesn’t it? well i’m thinking if everyone cranks up all the electronic devices we own and posts “I WISH IT WAS SUMMER BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE BEING COLD” to every last social media platform, over and over, all day, every day, all winter, maybe after several winters we can climate-change our wishes into reality!
it’d be like The Secret but we’d get to hold shiny objects
which Disney Princess are you? which Star Wars character are you? which flavor of Maruchan Instant Ramen are you? which Olympic Event are you? which character from the lesser works of Garry Marshall are you? which nation with a GDP less than that of Mississippi are you? which Russian Prison Tattoo are you? which Laughably Masculine Drag Queen are you? which Movie That Someone Told You To See But You Can’t Remember the Title are you? which KDE Linux Port are you? which phase of Bill Cosby’s career are you? which Content-Aggregating Click-Bait Website are you? which of your Mother’s Children are you? which of your Ex-Lovers are you? which Dickfour are you? which of your Socks are you? which Fork should i use for Soup? how many times do i hit the Space Bar after a Period? will i ever Believe What Happens When This Kitten? didn’t i already take this Pill? i don’t want that Pill again! no i don’t want it, i don’t want the Pill i don’t want it i don’t mmmmghpth
by request of Tod Bobford
salsa-alternative dippables to consider:
• applesauce w/ salt pork chunks
• 24 oz. coffee w/ a single bay leaf floating in it
• tartar sauce mixed w/ different brand of tartar sauce
• Nutella w/ generic pink antihistamines
• butterscotch-superglue swirl
"Athena born from the forehead of Zeus"
for D. Splat Funderburk
drawn while listening to “I, Assassin” by Gary Numan, “In the Next World You’re On Your Own” by Firesign Theatre, and disc one of “Playground Psychotics” by FZ & Mothers
that’s the one that ends with this:
my boyfriend made me leave because i haven’t stopped watching this video.